Hank’s 50th: Meeting the Half-Century with Joy, Beauty, and Lottsa Lovin’
by hans peter meyer
I love my birthdays. For years now, I’ve made a point of throwing myself a big party (bigger every year!). I love getting attention, and I love giving it. My birthdays are the means by which I celebrate and honour the loving circle that celebrates me.
But this year is special: it was "Hank’s 50th" in August. In the months before, I let all and sundry whom I’d enjoyed (and sometimes struggled with) in my life know that my half-century mark was approaching: I wanted them to be there. And, mostly, you were there.
I live with cats. I often think they are both a mirror and an inspiration for how I want to live: lots of cuddling, attending to, fussing over. It’s what I wanted for my 50th; it’s what I got.
There were also wonderful surprises. They included: coming home from two weeks Vancouver to find my house bedecked with flowers, balloons, and playful loving signs; my son Jared arriving home from his trip to Europe in time to chauffeur me to my bonne fête; walking into a (previously ugly) hall beautifully transformed – with flowers, balloons, streamers, etc etc – by Maureen and a crew of many; Danny’s amazing ), and the quartet; and then all the things that people stood up and said about their lives with me – my father, an ex-wife, old friends and new. Many tears. Much laughter. (A few more pics and vids can be seen here on Flickr.)
But that wasn’t the end of it. Then came all the dances I had with many (not all!) of the who I’m so blessed to have in my life (thanks Judy, er Patsy!); the words and warmth of my children; and short but sweet convos with old friends, with family.
Another surprise: the gushing of pride I felt every time I came back to my table. Here were my four wonderful kids – most of them now adults, all of them shining with promise, a testament to who they are – but also to how much they’re loved and supported, how well we’ve done (despite our differences, dumbness, and divorces) as parents. I felt so good seeing most of my immediate blenderized/reshaped family sitting at the table, thinking how much ground we’ve covered, and how well we are doing today. My family isn’t neat and tidy. It’s never been that way. I’m so grateful that, despite the breakage, there’s a lot of warmth and willingness bringing us together.
I am now 50. I understand myself to be incredibly gifted, to be at the centre of so much warmth. At 50 I am finally able to stand and receive this warmth, this outpouring of attention, which not that long ago would have sent me into the shadows, wanting to hid. Slowly and awkwardly, I’ve come to accept that being warm and loving is what most of us want to do, and that in receiving love I am, paradoxically, being loving.
I stumble with most things I do. I haven’t always accepted gifts gracefully. Estrangement and difficulty with love has helped me. I’ve learned that warmth persists. As I accept this, and as I learn less selfish ways of being loving, I notice that warmth and affection multiply (exponentially) in my life – It’s a good thing I’m getting better at receiving!
I have become an expressly warmth-seeking animal. At 50 I am now comfortable being one of the "centre stage boys" (preferably "the" centre stage boy). It’s exciting: a challenging, fiery, juicy place. It’s also muy cool that so many people tell me they enjoy being close to my fire.
I have learned a little in what my daughter called "50 years of Hank." A little about patience – and a lot about playfullness. The people in my life today are here because they help me to laugh, they help me to play, because they want to be my "playmates." I am so happy that they love to play with me.
In the end, my 50th birthday was, of course, just another day. But, thanks to all of you who participated that evening, it was an occasion to joyfully feel the warmth at centre stage. Lots of people did many, many things to make the event such a success. I am honoured by this conspicuous display of affection for me. To my kids and my extended family (and that’s a huge handful of you) – I am so happy and proud to have you in my life. It feels so good to feel so much love from you. And to RM, who organized this event and whose friendship (and shared passions for dance, food, and mixed beverages) has been such a gift, thank you for the present you made of this party.
The rich and beautiful life I live doesn’t happen by accident. It grows out of the love and support and playfulness of many, many people. You are not responsible for who I am, or for what I do; nonetheless you are the reason I feel strong enough, spiritually large enough, to dance to every corner of the dance floor of this life that I am living. Thank you. I am so looking forward to what the next 50 brings me, with you!
– 30 –
